Ecopsychology, sensitivities to our environment and animals

We welcome any thoughts or discussion on the topic of ecopsychology as it relates to our environment or animals.

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Nature and memory

I was walking along a pier the other day enjoying the beautiful warm summer weather and experienced this moment when the smell of water, boats and a boardwalk wafted past me and sent me to very, very early memories.  They are not the kinds of memories that are clear recollections of something or someone - they are those hazy moments of feeling like you've landed somewhere deeply, profoundly familiar.  

I think I can say that I love that smell - I know that before I was born and certainly right before I was delivered, my family lived on the Toronto Island - she was taken by police boat across the habour to the hospital to give birth to me. And I assume that she would likely have taken me back there at least for a bit after I was born. 

It is the smell of that place - and places like it that connect me to something deep inside - somethng familiar and "home-like"....a connection to place and space that seems to run in my very bones. 

I can really relate to to

I can really relate to to your experience.  I remember my summers in the country as if they were yesterday.  They were happy times when my cousins and I would play out doors from morning til night without a care in the world!  Being close to nature was a healing experience and offered a relief from the troubles at home.  Thank you for writing about your recent experience.

Thank you for your response,

Thank you for your response, it reminds me of one summer when my brothers, myself, and some other kids built "tree city" - we had gone back into the woods beside my cottage up in Northern Ontario and built this little village.  We kind of broke off into pairs and constructed dwellings out of fallen birch trees, tied with vine.  We'd make tools, like a broom out of a stick, long grass and vine. The only rule in the village - nothing "man made".

We'd make signs for the different dwellings - birch bark written on with charcoal from our bonfires.  It was a really magical place - it engaged my imagination, my connection with nature and my sense of play and wonder.  It too was a releif from the tensions in the home - a summer repreive.  Even now it warms my memories with is sense of magical possibilities.  

Service Animals

I have a tremendous love and respect for all animals and love my own pets dearly.  I have the privilege of working in an office where they are two service dogs present.  I marvel at these animals and their love and loyalty to their owners.  One of the dogs is a service dog for a lady in a wheelchair.  The dog is there to pick up her pens and paper that may fall to the ground. The service dog also has the capability of opening doors and pressing elevator buttons.  My co-worker also has shared that her dog is trained in a help help command, so if she ever is in a dire situation the dog is trained to bark or go and get help if needed.  Since my colleague's dog is "working" we cannot pet her or play with her.  This of course is a tremendous struggle for those of us in the office who love dogs!  However, at times I will call my co-worker into my office and say that I think I need some visitation time *smile*.  The service dog is allowed to visit and play if her owner puts her on a visit command, so we do get our chance to playfully interact.  The other service dog in the office is a seeing eye dog. I have found it interesting that the rules differ.  When in office the seeing eye dog is not on his harness and therefore is free to play and visit all day with us if he so chooses.

Both of my colleagues have shared with my what a tremendous difference their service dogs have made to their lives.  The dogs have given to them a real sense of independence, safety and security.  I truly find it amazing what these wonderful animals can do to enhance the lives of those living with disabilities.

I was really moved by your

I was really moved by your love of animals!  I, too, love animals especially my two cats!  I work with people with disabilities who have working dogs and am always amazed at how skilled and loyal they are!  Without theses animals, some people with physical disabilities would not be able to take care of themselves.

I agree, I am very touched

I agree, I am very touched and amazed by the loyalty and brilliance of these animal companions.  It just reminds me of the great appreciation that our animal companions and co-habitators on this planet deserve.

I know that for myself, I have had numerous occasions where I have experienced deep connection with my animals - a sense that they share an understanding with me.  At times, this has been a deep comfort. How lucky I count myself!

The Oil spill in the gulf

I've been feeling for a bit now that I wanted to write on this because it is such a disturbing world event.  I have been so busy that in some ways I am thankful that I have been somewhat sheltered from the news - and yet when I glimpse the images the sorrow that i feel is achingly deep and painful.  I can almost hear "Gaia" moaning...

It almost seems beyond me that we can create something that we can't "fix" - in some respects it reminds me of Mary Shelley's Frankenstein - the arrogance that we can carry around our "scientific" knowledge and ability and yet we can so easily create a "monster" that is out of our control.  It seems to me that this terrible catastrophe ought to wake us up out of our slumber, our unconsciousness....and yet..... 

oil spill

I no longer watch TV coverage of the Gulf oil spill. The images of the wildlife caught up in this disaster are too much for me to bear. I no longer even think about the long term consequences. I feel helpless and inadequate. I also feel a real sense of  anger that we have contributed to this disaster by our continually increasing demand for oil.

I drive along the QEW almost daily and I frequently find that I have both the smallest and slowest vehicle on the road. (I drive a Honda Civic and try to keep my speed between 115 and 120.) North American car buyers want bigger and faster and we offer no incentive for car makers to develop affordable alternate energy vehicles.  Hybrids are a partial step in the right direction, but most electricity in the eastern half of North America is produced in coal fired generators, so we are just trading one pollutant for another.

I think it speaks volumes that when the price per barrel of oil goes above $100 there is a brief surge in the demand for more energy efficient cars, but the second the price drops back to the $75 range the 8 cylinder "luxury" crossovers start selling again.

The poet T.S. Eliot once wrote: "This is the way the world ends. Not with a bang, but a whimper".

I no longer fear the threat of nuclear war. I do fear choking the death on our mass produced pollution.

Mourning my dog

A couple of weeks ago now, my partner and I made the difficult decision to put our dog down. As a result of a terminal tumor, he had a constant, infectious discharge leaking from his eye. He was on heavy antibiotics, and steroids.

I am struggling with my feelings around his death. On some level, I feel as if I failed him. I felt overwhelmed by caring for him - the smell, the worry that my children would catch something, the frequent insensitive comments of complete strangers on our walks, implying or directly accusing me of neglecting my dog...the financial cost. Now that he is gone - I am relieved of that burden. Life is much easier without him.

That is true, and yet when I think of him, I feel a deep pain in my heart. I am grieving. I wonder if we shouldn't have found a new home for him when we first had our children. He went from being our loved companion, to being an extra burden in a difficult time. He wasn't the kind of dog to enjoy children - for him they were tolerated, and not easily. In retaliation, he would tear their diapers into pieces. He started to chew up things that he knew were important to me. He did not like the change and in his own way he made that clear.

For some reason - remembering that makes me feel a little lighter. I am remembering his personality.

He was a good dog.

reflecting on animal companions

For the past number of days I have been both dreaming and thinking about my animal companions that are no longer with me.  I really do miss what they brought to my life - even though at times they could also make me crazy with their antics.  Nevertheless, they were faithful and loyal and if I had a hard day they would still manage to cheer me.

I saw a cartoon recently that showed a cat curled up on a bed, with the owner (a woman) peering into the bedroom in the first scene, in the next she is spooning with the cat and her partner is looking in from the doorway, in the next scene he is spooning her while she spoons the cat...it made me smile as i thought of how often I would come upon my cat or dog and spoon with them, feeling their warmth and the way they'd breathe and I could feel the stress and upset begin to subside. 

Currently, my life is too busy to bring an animal companion into the mix - but i do miss the companionship greatly.

I really resonate with you on

I really resonate with you on how our animals bring us so much companionship.  Ironically, last week I was ruminating on companionship and animals.  I was lying on my bed relaxing and my little cat jumped up and perched herself on top of my chest.  I was petting her and also talking to her about how we are both companions to one another.  I began thinking about how much our animals give to us but that they also have a need for companionship.  A little over a year ago my cat's "sister" (my dog) passed away and since that point her need for me has greatly increased.  When she had her sister she was a friendly and affectionate cat, however I never got the sense from her that she needed my companionship.  The only time that she ever was at the door waiting for me or crying was when I had taken her sister out with me and some significant time had lapsed.  When I would come home from work she would at times come out to greet me but more often than not saunter out 20 minutes after I arrived at home.  Since her sister has passed she now runs to the door to greet me crying her little heart out.  She spends far more time around me than she ever did before.  I have really come to realize that animals too need companionship.  For my cat,  as long as my dog was here she was very content having her as a companion.  Many years ago, I worked at a facility where we had animals.  I always marveled at two cats that we had.  There were each other’s constant companions.  I never saw them lying together without being completely enveloped with one another.  I remember thinking at that time if animals need that much connection and companionship how much more so do we as humans need that also.  All of this to say that as much as we need our animals, our animals need us too.

The Beauty of Love

Today, a co-worker forwarded to me a little video that almost brought me to tears.  As I opened the clip the song What a Wonderful World by Lou Rawls began to play.  The first thing that one sees is a little baby deer walking in the woods.  This fawn is being followed by a small orange kitten who continues to curl in and out of the fawns legs.  One then sees the fawn lying down on the grass with the kitten licking the fawns face as the baby deer sits quietly.  The kitten continues to lick the fawn, rubbing up against it and touching it with its tiny paws.  A few moments later you see the fawn curled up getting ready to sleep and the kitten is already wrapped into the fawn fast asleep.  The fawn then further snuggles into the kitten and closes its eyes.  I was absolutely struck by the beauty of love (and I purposely say love) between these two unlikely species.  I am so moved by animals especially when I am on my walks in the woods and I see the tiny creatures running, playing and just being their “home”.  There are times when I feel overwhelmed with the various things that I face within myself and yet when I observe animals I gain a unique perspective on life itself.  This video is a beautiful depiction of connectedness and love amongst our fellow creatures on this earth.  It is a connectedness that we as the human species can also learn from.

We Never Seem to Learn

One of the things that I have been thinking about in this post is the comment about being in the woods and of tiny creatures running, playing and just being in their home.  I went for a nature walk the other day and observed the sounds around me, watching birds hop from branch to branch and I was thinking about this being home to them.  My mind then went to how humankind in general is so very unaware of this fact.  We literally steam roll into their home without regard, tear down the trees, ruin the natural terrain and erect yet another subdivision or mini mall. Is this not exactly what mercilessly was done to the aboriginals of our nation when Canada was “settled”?  Yet we never seem to learn.  We seem to think that we own the world instead of recognizing that we are only part of this great planet.  When we recognize that we are only one element then perhaps we can begin to truly respect the other inhabitants of this earth and the place that we all call “home”.

I`ve been growing more and

I`ve been growing more and more upset with the growth of what I call 'monster house' development. Enormous ugly houses that entirely crowd their small splots of land - neighbouring forest and farming communities - and here up North - I am also seeing them around the lakes. It feels so wrong and disrespectable to the environment. When I see the changes that my neighbours in Toronto are making - not using their air conditioners, hanging laundry, composting - I have hope. Some of us have even chosen not to own cars. Right now though - I realize that we are a minority. Most regular people, and especially the wealthy around here, don`t care about the impact they are having on the planet.  I wish that we could all recognise that we are only a part of this planet - that it is home to other species that are as important and have as much right to live on it as we do.  I wish that some of these monster home owners recognised what they are destroying, and could see that we need our trees and animal neighbours to make this world a livable place. The crazy irony - is the beauty of nature is what has made many of them want to live here in the first place. Then - they literally bulldoze it down. This kind of living is not sustainable.

I think what you said is so

I think what you said is so true and such irony, in that people buy plots of land in cottage country to enjoy the "country" and all that it offers including its inhabitants and yet they loose touch with reality when they build excessively large cottages with guest houses and the like and displace so many creatures in the process.  My eyes are opening more and more to the destruction that has and is taking place.  My father was a very large grain farmer and spent tens of thousands of dollars each year on chemicals and fertilizers.  I never gave it a thought growing up and even in my early adulthood to the damage that was being done not only to the land but also to the wild life around the land.  Not to mention the copious amount of chemicals that were being sprayed on the wheat which was sold to companies to be turned into “edible” products. Sometimes it seems overwhelming to imagine the colossal strides that need to take place in order for human kind to become more conscious around these issues.  As you said in your post, people are making small changes and in many ways it does come done to each of us becoming more responsible to the environment in any way we can.

Intuitivenss of Animals

I was reading your post and thinking about the intuitiveness of animals.  What came to my mind was the intuitiveness of a cat that I once had.  He was my first cat and I was amazed at how "dog like" he was.  What I mean by that is I knew dogs could be very sensitive to the emotional states of their owners but I never anticipated that my cat would be so in tune.  If anyone in our house was upset whether that be sad or even angry our cat would show up out of nowhere, rubbing up against us, purring and frankly at times it felt like he was  getting in the way of the emotions we attempting to express.  But persistent to comfort he was! We lived in a 2.5 storey house and we use to joke that if someone was on the top story and he was curled up in the basement sleeping he could hear when a tear silently rolled down one's face as literally moments later he would be jumping on that persons lap, trying to comfort them.  His absolute presence in the moments of emotions still amazes me.  He now has passed and to this day there are times when I am feeling lonely or sad that I miss his ever comforting presence and am reminded of how grateful I am to have had him as a part of my life.

great website on hospice dogs

Hello Everyone. I have just found a great website with beautiful pictures, poems, and journal entries about therapy dogs visiting people in hospice care as they prepare to die.

The website is mostly about Izzy, a border collie found by the writer Jon Katz. Jon says that Izzy has a broken soul and that this makes him extraordinarly sensitive to others with broken hearts. Looking at the pictures of Izzy with the old people who are dying and close to death, and their families, I see Izzy's eyes, always in connection with a pair of human eyes...it's a good lesson. I see that listening and being present is the most powerful healing. As a new psychotherapist this is a powerful reminder that I don't need to 'figure someone out' or offer solutions so much as listen with an open heart and accepting eyes.

Just looking at the photographs is very healing! Check it out: http://hospice.bedlamfarm.com

 

Therapy Animals in Retirement homes

I was very moved by your post on therapy animals. My father is in a small retirement home and the owners live on the property. They have provided a beautiful mixed breed dog and two cats. Over the years, I’ve watched the interaction of these animals with the elderly residents. Everyone benefits because the animals get loved up constantly and the residents feel loved by the pets. People in this home tend to stay for a long time. Even those with slight alzheimers respond to the animals. I believe that it keeps their minds in tack longer. Our pets are a gift to us so thank you for this reminder about their capacity to give unconditional love.

My little niece was visited by wonderful little dog at SickKids

Following the wonderful postings regarding animals and healing.  My little niece is at Sick Kids recovering from surgery she had three weeks ago.  I have been visiting her often and in one of my recent visits she showed me a photo that was taken that morning with a little dog that had come to visit her and she was really happy by his visit.  Apperantly the dog belongs to a boy staying in the hospital long term.  And the boy visits some of the floors and shares the dog with other children in the hospital.  As she was telling me this story my little niece's eyes were bright and happy.  I am grateful for our four legged companions that journey with us on this earth.  

healing animals

Thank you for these posts and it reminds me (on a smaller scale) of how my animal companions could be such a comfort when I wasn't feeling well.  Sometimes if I were in pain from cramps or something, my cat would crawl up onto me as I was laying on the couch and curl up on my stomach and he would begin to purr.  It was amazing how this would actually soothe my pain - between his warmth and vibration it was better than a tylenol.

Then one day I was watching a show about cats and they said something about how the vibrational fequency of a cat's purring does actaully have pain-releif qualities for humans....and I thought...right on...its not in my head.  My little boy knew what he was doing.

After the gravity of the

After the gravity of the posts entered here in the past week, I'd like to share something else about nature: its magic.

As with most of the creatures in my yard, yes, even the large orb spiders that spin their fantasy webs, I have an understanding of their place and function. I don't mess with their jobs, and they let me do mine (although I did get pretty chewed up by the mosquitos last night, as I was still trying to plant things after sundown) I've grown to watch the robins making their nests (we've been lucky to have them nest near a window so we can watch the hatching, feeding, and fluttering to fly), our chickadees in their bird houses, the little rabbits, chipmunks, squirrels bluejays, cardinals, hummingbirds and even crows that hang out, those harbingers of spring and promising months to follow...

I must admit, though, there is one event that I look forward to the most all year, and that is the arrival of the fireflies....in past years, they have shown up closer to the end of June, but I started watching for them last week, just looking into the dark treed area by the field outside my home. I figured it was still too cool for them to come out yet, but ever hopeful, waiting...this event is not only exciting but marks the beginning of my "season" of outdoor magic.

I was outside tonight, watering some shrubs, and I saw one...then two, then several more over the field by my house! I greeted them out loud, like seeing an old friend, and they blinked happily around me.

What exactly are these little things? They have little luminescent bums that are designed to attract a mate by lighting up, and they're doing it all over my yard. As the month progresses and the weather warms up, I will be able to stand in my yard, in the dark, and watch the field of "sparklies" - you can pretend you're in heaven amongst the blinking stars, they are that plentiful, and it's magic...as I'm standing witness to this phenomenon, there are cars going by on the road nearby, other neighbours are oblivious, I think I'm the only one out there with them, and time kind of stands still in those moments.. I don't think they show up just anywhere, so that makes me privileged , and I retire to bed knowing they've bestowed their time and presence to make my foray into summer another special one- then the numbers dwindle, and by the middle of July, the sightings are sporadic and they seem to disappear.

On days when I fret about the yard and garden work and all that I have to do, I forget that all that's really expected is that I take the time to stop, watch, listen, enjoy, breathe, respect, and love what is around me, for as long as I have it. I make a point of thanking my yard every day for its gifts and surprises.

Here's to a long summer of surprises and magic...

Thank you for sharing your lovely magical moment..

Thank you for sharing your lovely magical moment...as I read your entry I was right there with you in your yard enjoying all the wonderful and magical creatures and feeling the pleasure and joy of being part of the especial moment and time. 

I was also working in my garden yesterday and enjoying the green space and feeling blessed by the company and gifts of my plant friends. 

Thank you for your post. I

Thank you for your post. I spent some time yesterday and today weeding my garden. Really - what I was doing was saying hello to all the plants and flowers that come up every year, and making a little room for them to grow, and mourning some who didn't survived the winter. I love the suprises - an orange tulip that a squirril must have buried - snitched from a block away! Flowers that have migrated from other gardens and found a new home in mine. Digging around in the soil literally grounds me. I feel hope at the renewal of life, and the sheer abundance of it, pushing its way up around me. Life falls into a different perspective. The bees have come back again this year and my children are facinated as we watch them work. They are facinated by the buds, the ants, the worms, the centipedes. We've had a rewarding and rich weekend exploring and tending to this tiny urban garden of mine.

Rejuvenating with nature

I too want to thank the above for their posts...as I read them yesterday, I was taking a minute out of a very busy day and they brought me into a grounded space with my own thoughts of how over the weekend I was walking and facinated and blessed by the different birds and their mutli-coloured plummage, the squirrels, and the smell of water...these things nourish my soul.

It feels good to remember and reflect when the days get busy and I find myself indoors much of the day during the week. 

Oh how my heart hurts for

Oh how my heart hurts for you, and for those little souls that are surely sitting in their special heaven right now. Please know that you are not alone in this, that you are being held and understood as you grieve. It is a huge, grave responsibility that nature bestows upon us when we witness or cause its demise, and I suppose with each one comes a lesson that doesn't let us forget, or forgive ourselves easily, those among us with conscience.

Years ago I was walking in my neighbourhood, which has a very busy street with traffic coming and going, more so in summer. It was a lovely summer evening, and I saw a beautiful large toad sitting on the edge of the road, starting to hop toward the centre line. I approached it, wanting to scare it to the other side quickly, or to make it change its mind, turn around, and forget about crossing the road altogether. I must have spooked him, because he took off right onto the road, and sat on the centre line. The traffic was coming, and I was too squeamish about picking him up, I hesitated, and got out of the way of the car, so I left him there. As if the oncoming car knew, he ran right over the toad and squished him, and I was sickened. If I had only picked it up, if I had only minded my own business, if, if, if....I will never forget that toad and my own cowardice, but being reminded of my slow motion reaction helps me to act more quickly now. I don't think the same scenario would happen again.

Wishing you better and more peaceful days ahead, I'll be thinking of you.

  The Cruelty of Nature The

 

The Cruelty of Nature

The deepest cry I ever had was when my mother passed away. Well I have had my second deepest cry. In fact I was in anguish. I was driving on the highway in very fast traffic and right in front of me was a mother duck and her five little ducklings. I hate to write about such a painful moment but I have to work this through in my heart. I am crying as I am writing to you. I saw them, and then I ran over them. I will spare you the description of my slow motion experience. After I hit them, I began to whale and cry out loud. I couldn't control myself. I asked God to forgive me, I prayed for their souls, I have told them that I love them, all through my hot tears.

It's been a couple of days now and I am still in deep grief. My day goes on but this event passes through me every hour on the hour. I know I will heal and I am so sad that this little family will not have a chance to fulfill their destiny.

Thank you for reading and sharing my sorrow.

The Cruelty of Nature

 As I read your entry , I recall a time when I too hit a fellow creature on the road.

I was young and in a self obsorbed hury home , driving as fast as Icould when a stray dog lept out into the road in front of my speeding car. I turned to avoid the animal but alas it was hit. I stopped the car to take the animal to a vet but it had already gone into the woods.

I prayed as I drove home in tears that this sweet creature made it home to its family.

To this day I feel great sadness when I see the animals killed each year on the road .

And I humbly remember a time when my car was but a speeding bullet.

Peace and blessings!

The Squirrel

I feel so very sad. I live in fear of this very thing happening when you cannot do anything about it.

Last week I nearly ran over a squirrel, but because there was no traffice behind me, I slowed down quickly and avoided it. It ran around in circles in a panic and I hoped that it would run back on the sidewalk, but instead it ran further onto the road. The car next to me didn't even pause. I struggled to understand this and for awhile I felt angry at the car that ran over the squirrel. I was in shock and could barely drive after witnessing the squirrel's death. Then I just tried to mourn the squirrel's, rather go into a social critique on cars and nature. I always mourn for the animals I see on the road or by the side of the road. I pray for their little souls. But having this happen right in front of me really shook me up and I had to have a good cry before I could go on.

I am so very sorry for the duck family and your tragic accident.

''There is land of living of the dead and the bridge is love...

Dear friend my heart goes to you at this painful time.  There are things and times in life that we cannot prevent and this is one of those dreadful occassions. I have lived the grief and sorrow that you describe, as I have l have lost in a tragic way a very close family member, a loving mentor to a terrible illness, and very dear animal companions and the pain is searing. 

Take as long as you need to feel your sorrow.  I will keep you and the little family in my prayers.

''There is land of the living and of the dead and the bridge is love - the only survival the only meaning''  Thornton Wilder

 

  Even though your experience

 

Even though your experience is completely different, it reminded me of a story that my father once shared with me.

He was hunting with his father (he grew up in a small town in the middle of nowhere up north). He started to feel as if he were being followed. He kept looking back, and soon he noticed a young fox popping his head up around trees and over tufts of grass. He was following them out of curiosity and it was beguiling. This went on for a while - and then on an impulse - my father fired his gun at him. It was a careless, thoughtless action - but the bullet found the fox and killed him.

My father related this story to me at least 40 years after it happened and yet the remorse and sadness that he felt was as fresh as the day it happened. He was still holding the pain of that moment in his heart, "I didn't mean to hit him; I honestly didn't think I would hit him."

He related this story to me at least fifteen years ago, and it has stayed with me all this time. Thinking on it now, I believe that he replayed this moment in many aspects of his life. The healthy part of him enjoyed the fox and his youthful curiosity - but there was an unconscious part in him that wanted to destroy that innocence in himself. I do believe that how we interact with nature has much to teach us about ourselves.

48 hours with Castanio

I absolutely loved and admired the story of Tony, the butterfly who learned how to fly again with the help of his human comrade. How beautiful and satisfactory that moment must have been, when, finally strong enough to go it alone, thanks to his helper, he was loved enough to be allowed to soar, instead of being held back for amusement. I like to think that he did indeed come back, year after year, to check up on things, perhaps without you knowing. I also like to think that, thanks to the therapeutic strength of the "circle of life" that is the process we journey on, we are being prepped and healed enough so we can fly. Such a beautiful story and resonates deeply with me...

 

48 hours with Castanio

Sorry, had to continue my thread of thought on the reply board, made a mistake and now my post will be in two parts..

I'd like to talk about an incident that started 48 hours ago. I was at the residency this past weekend, so did not know this was happening until I got home...On Saturday morning, my husband had found a baby squirrel under duress on our front lawn. He thinks the little guy was either stunned from a fall, abandoned by its mother because of an illness, or got injured by either the lawn mower or another animal. He couldn't move well and was chattering loudly. A call to the Humane Society produced no results, as   they said if they came out, they would euthanize. Not an option! My husband decided to put the little thing in a box with leaves, twigs, some water, and see what happened. In the meantime, he bought some kitten milk, pedialite water, a tiny baby bottle, and a syringe, and proceeded to bottle feed and nourish the baby. Sunday morning was promising, as the squirrel had figured out how to get out of the box and seemed stronger, and able to walk a little better. His breathing was a little laboured.

By the time I got home Sunday afternoon, all I could think about was greeting this new little thing and proceed to care for it. I was not prepared to tumble into love with this tiny, furry, beady-eyed, round-bellied baby squirrel. Obviously he was not in good shape, and,  as we later discovered, had a neck wound that was starting to be attacked by maggots. For the next five hours, we cleaned him, disinfected his wound, talked to him, petted him, consoled him, and delighted in his spirit. Despite his obvious discomfort, this little creature kept trying to talk. His little claws clutched the nipple of the bottle and sucked at the sweet milk , which filled my heart with such love for him. It was as if he knew what we were doing was going to make him stronger, so he let us poke, wipe, clean, and wash him. So tolerant. I decided to call him "Castanio", or, "little chesnut" After all this excitement, he was content to sit quietly in my lap as I stroked him, and then just placed my hand against his back. He fell asleep there, while I watched tv and it was beautiful. At bedtime I placed him in a warm towel, wrapped him up and placed him in the bathtub for the night, with the door closed so the cat wouldn't get any ideas.

this morning, I was up at 4 am to check up on him, and try feeding him. Again, the way he looked at me as I placed the nipple close to his tiny little mouth, so grateful....well, I read it that way..

Going to work was a bother, I didn't really want to leave him but at least my husband was home to keep watch. At lunchtime, I fed him again, and he seemed to me to be gaining in strength, which made my heart soar, I was going to get him back outside and healthy, for sure! However, something was not right with Castanio, as he had what looked like some bleeding by his mouth and, alarmed, we called around for a wildlife vet. We found a vet about an hour away, so made plans to bring him there right after work. I tucked him in a blanket and was hopeful that all we'd need was some antibiotics, perhaps a change in diet, and I'd get to bottle feed him to strength for a few more days yet.

 The vet looked at him, looked in his little mouth, and shook her head. What she showed me just devastated me...his little palate had been split in two, which meant that any food he'd take would just go into his sinus cavity, or his lungs, and that he would have to be fed through a tube, prone to infection, and never allowed outside again. that's where the bleeding was coming from. She was very kind, and I burst into tears. She seemed surprised that I would want to stay with him as he was euthanized, but I had named him, he had let me feed him, and he was my little friend. 

It is hours later and I am missing Castanio. We will bury him in our yard tomorrow morning. Nature gives so much in such a short time...may we always be in tune  

I felt the intensity of your

I felt the intensity of your experience as I read - so much so that I feel like crying myself. It reminded my of a fledgling that I befriended when I was young. He lived with me for a couple of weeks and I started teaching him to fly. Then - one morning - he was dead. I felt completely bereft. I was so sure that he would fly  away one day and join his flock. I missed him for a long time.

It is very powerful for me that you were with him when he died, and spent so much time with him in your lap. I felt how soft and safe your love must have felt for him. I know that we all die - and I thought, what a great gift, to be safe and loved in our passing.

Thank you for your

Thank you for your understanding - and how terribly sad for you also...would that these little spirits we helped along the way in our lifetimes be waiting to greet us at the end as we pass over..I so agree with you, a greater gift cannot exist than to be 'safe and loved in our passing'...

We buried Castanio yesterday morning, as the sun was coming up, and I truly am still so touched by the experience. He, like all wildlife around us must be respected, as their lives are so short and difficult. He now occupies a special place in our yard and in our hearts.

A Butterfly Story

I want to share this childhood story because it carries great meaning and a profound sense of connection with the more than human world for me.  At times it even feels allegorical - as it weaves around the protagonist; a beautiful Monarch Butterfly named Tony.  This story is true...

As a child, I spent my summers at a cottage in Northern Ontario.  I loved the woods, the granite rocks running through with milky white and pink quartz, and the water.  My brothers and I would play for hours through the woods and in the water until we collapsed with that gorgeous tiredness that comes with too much fresh air, sunshine, and a young body full of potential and bursting with energy.  From my very earliest memory I had a fascination and love of animals; I desperately wanted to make friends with the squirrels, chipmunks, birds, and butterflies.  So I would often try and tame them or approach them, hoping they would not run/fly away.

One afternoon when I was about 6 or 7 my older brothers and I were having a milkweed fight, taking the pods and throwing them across the lawn at each other, I saw a monarch butterfly flutter through our line of fire.  In the next moment I spotted it resting on the lawn, I withdrew from the rough housing with my brothers and went to see if the butterfly would stay.  All my other attempts in the past had me walking cautiously up behind a butterfly and just before reaching it, it would alight softly into the air and leave me standing watching with longing.

This time, however, I came to the butterfly and he just stayed on the grass.  I had been taught at some point never to touch butterfly wings because their tiny "feathers" that create the brilliant colours on their wings rub off and then they will never fly again.  If you need to touch their wings you hold them gently on their under-wings, pinching them lightly together.  So I knelt down beside the butterfly and just put one finger out towards him and to my amazement he crawled onto my hand.  I can't even explain the feeling that exploded in my heart.

I intuitively knew that we had hurt him, so now it was my responsibility to heal him.  I named my monarch Tony and we began one of the most special and unique relationships of my life.  I had a small little bush/plant growing outside my bedroom window and this became Tony's house at night and when I was unable to be with him.  It was off the ground and yet sheltered so he would be safe from birds and toads that might want to eat him. 

In the evenings and early mornings I would cut the heads off my mother's flowers in her extensive gardens and feed them to Tony.  I gave him the flowers that I'd always seen the monarchs land on.  Throughout the days I would bring Tony around with me.  Like the first time, I would just put my finger down and he would crawl onto my hand.  Sometimes he would crawl up my arm, onto my shoulder and occasionally go up into my hair; which was always a problem because his little legs had little hooks all over them and they would get tangled in my hair.  My little friend Peachy would try and untangled Tony for my hair, all the while I'd be pleading with him to be careful.  And to Peachy's credit, he always got Tony out without incident. 

Everyday I took Tony out for "flying" lessons - I would point my finger towards the same pink and white flowers that I fed him with and he would stand on the end of my finger looking.  As the days past, looking became attempting.  He would jump off my finger and glide a few feet towards the flowers.  Then one day, as I stood coaxing him to fly towards the flowers, he actually took off and flew with looping and dipping grace to them.   My heart leapt.  He stayed on the flower, drinking deeply and then he flew high into the sky.  I yelled and my brothers and Peachy came running and we all ran down the dirt road following Tony's flight well above the trees until we lost sight of him.

Now, even some 35 years later, every time I see a monarch butterfly I think to myself - "are you Tony's great, great, great...and so on...grandchild?"  I know he lives on and his children visit me when they come looping around my head, alighting near me.  This is my story.

Thank you for sharing your

Thank you for sharing your butterfly story.  It is a very and moving story beautiful story and it speaks to me of the importance of our own connection and responsibilityto nature.  I loved the part when you shared about teaching Tony to fly.  I can only imagine the dedication and patience which as a child your demonstrated.  Thank again for sharing with us this beautiful piece.

I am so glad that this topic

I am so glad that this topic has been added to the discussion board.  I have a strong affinity for animals and have recently fully integrated in my consciousness why I stopped eating meat almost 30 years ago.  When I look into an animal's face I can see their soul.  What an incredible experience.

  "Ecopsychology provides a

 

"Ecopsychology provides a powerful new dimension to the environmental movement, suggesting that by living in greater harmony with the natural world we shall not only help to save our planet from ultimate destruction but shall also improve our mental health and be happier and more fulfilled human beings"

Jane Goodall

I'm so glad that this issue was put on the discussion board. I have learned so much about a positive consciousness around our animals, domestic or wild. In my childhood household animals were given very little consideration and as a child I experienced this as neglect for their well being and also mine. It has always caused me great pain, and even today, I think of Skippy a happy little dog who was given away without thought when a move was taking place. I often think of the joy that this little animal provided.

I'm thinking that although animals carry a different consciousness, it is not necessarily a consciousness that is superior to the human consciousne

Your story about Skippy

Your story about Skippy resonated with me. I believe that how we treat our animals is revealing of our own emotional health.

Your post reminded me of the animals that I had when I was growing up. One dog in particular, a smart little black poodle who had more character in one paw then many humans that I know! He was my best friend, and also my victim. I talked to him. He shared my life, my despair. When I was alone - he was alone with me. I also call him my victim because when he did anything wrong - I hit him. He spent his days when we weren't home, in the basement. When I think about it now, I realize how terribly alone he must have felt. No wonder he was so thrilled when we got home again. What a torture that must have been for him.

My family was completely disconnected from eachother's suffering. My parents were violent and self-indulgent. My sibling and I bore the brunt of their violence, and we in turn treated our dog the same way. What truely humbles me now is that in spite of being treated this way, our dog was loving and loyal to us. To me. He came when I called. He would wrap his paws around my neck. When I was sad, he would cuddle with me. He joined in my games. We explored the forest together. He was my friend.

I think that he taught me how to be kind. I loved him, and because I did love him, I tried to be good to him. He never bit me, even when I hit him. He also never cowered around me - which he would have had every right to. Instead, it was as if he kept giving me another opportunity. He showed me that it was possible to have a loving spirit, even when the people in charge are not such good caregivers.

As I write this, I am aware that abused children often behave this way as well. I gave my parents many second chances and continued to love them even when I was wounded. I hoped that things would change.

Things didn't change for me or for my dog - until long after I left home and after years of therapy. He died many years ago. I feel very sad about him now, and I wish I could make it up to him and give him a better life. I am also grateful to him because he helped me to keep my spirit alive during the dark days.