Your post really resonates for me, so thank you for it. As a lesbian woman there are times that I too am reminded that these prejudices are still very alive in our society. Similar to your experience I have also overheard tidbits of conversation that have the same theme. With the message that "being" gay is the worst thing to be in this world.

Some years back, I was walking alone one evening and a car full of younger males passed by me and from the car window I heard first hoots and hollers and then comments such as "your a dyke", seemingly being directed at me. At the time it did take me aback because it was my first obvious and overt experience of having that energy directed at me. 

Maybe these comments were the result of  it being obvious that I wasn't flattered by their objectification of me as a woman, walking alone down the street.

I have not shared with my family that I'm a lesbian both because I know that we hold different views on many issues and also because I know that a number of the individuals in my family are homophobic. I've listened silently to the comments made by members of my family through the years. Ranging from " those bloody gays" to the belief that gays go straight to hell for having same sex relationships. I remember vividly being a young girl and being in the living room of my grandparents house when the news came on talking about the gay pride parade and how just the mere visibility of "gays" infuriated my grandfather. I didn't understand that day the meaning that that would come to hold for me. So there is a whole lot of silence around the topic of myself and relationships. But I know that being true to myself and open in that is of big importance to me, so the day will come when I will be open. Really though the most important thing is that I am ok with who I am.

Regardless of knowing that this energy still exists and is present around us I will never be ashamed of my love for women and I dare to say, that for me truly loving and being true in my love for a woman is the best thing in the world and so so far from the worst!

It was wonderful to receive such warm support and congratulations from those who shared my story – if not in detail, then in spirit.  What struck me in all of them was that following one’s own path seem to be often accompanied by a loss of those whom we previously considered a family.  Even the unsupportive or disparaging family is still a family, and the loss is real. I have been fortunate to deal with this loss with my wonderful therapist who has encouraged me to share another story, this time not of loss, but of gain.  

After my partner and I got married, my family and I ceased contact.  It seemed that all the plans we had for future, which included starting a family, had to be borne out by the two of us alone.  We felt excited to be finally doing what we wanted, but also a bit daunted, at the enourmous task that we would have to undertake alone.  

Then,  a few weeks ago, we were invited for dinner by the parent’s of my partner’s best friend, who is also gay.  His parents (let’s call them Ann & Bob) were almost a kind of step-family for my partner, and we had frequently enjoyed their hospitality, even when their son, who studies in a different city, was away.  So, as we were chatting after dinner, the conversation turned to our future.  My partner started telling them about our plan to start a family, and jokingly implied their son would be a perfect father to our child.  It was a joke, yet remembering what followed it still moves me as I write this.  

Ann stopped short and said… “My God, that would be wonderful!” Her face brightened with the thought, and an enthusiasm I haven’t witnessed before, poured out. Within two minutes Ann and Bob were making plans about their future grandchild, about us as their daughters-in-law, about summer plans, the ways in which they could help us… all of the things that my partner and I expected and hoped for from our ‘blood’ family, but never got.  

I think it was that evening that it dawned on me that there is no such thing as ‘blood’ family.  There are those who want to share their lives with you, and those who don’t, and blood has very little to do with it.  No matter what my partner and I choose to do in the future, Ann and Bob gave us a breath-taking lesson in what ‘family’ really is.

Thank you for your post and congratulations on your marriage!  I understand what it is like to come from a culture where loving another person of the same gender is kept hidden or ultimately denied.  The culture I speak of is not that of a country or an ethnicity but rather the culture (or subculture if you like) of Christian fundamentalism.  I grew up entrenched in a belief system where all sex outside of marriage was sinful and homosexuality was deviant and even perhaps of the devil.  As an adult, I continued in the same belief system and was very active in the church and ministry.  However, in my early twenties I found myself intensely attracted to women and was tortured inwardly by the struggle of my sexuality.  This brought me a tremendous amount of grief, condemnation and shame.  I was also petrified that I would be found out and that everything would be stripped from me.  I spent countless night by my beside pleading with God to deliver me from homosexuality.  After a number of years and much wrestling mentally, emotionally and spiritually I embraced my sexuality.  However, it did come with a price and I experienced a number of losses including a woman who had been my spiritual mentor for over 20 years.  The fundementalist subculture in my experience is very closed and rejecting.  I still have not been able to share with my family for fear of complete rejection. Thankfully, I have been able to connect with a wonderful psychotherapist who has given me the freedom to explore who I am with acceptance and without judgement.  So to the person who posted I applaud you for your courage to step outside the cultural "norms" of which you grew up in and I also congratulate you again on your marriage.